Here we are again. I must be a forgetful hearer. I sure have the bad habit of idealizing people and get crushed afterwards. I don't understand my persisting need for role models. I know role models are good, and I know there is only one good, holy, trustworthy and perfect model, and that is God, as Jesus stated clearly, but I keep finding it difficult to have such an invisible, masculine and abstract role model as God.
When I am disppointed by my role models, my whole world is shaken. I might choose them poorly or my idealization blinds me and eventually makes it unhealthy, but I feel like I need to think there are human beings I can look up to on this earth. Otherwise, the ugliness of the fallen world simply becomes overwhelming.
I have come to understand grace through it all, forgiving and faithful love in spite of disappointment, but I feel the next step is faith. Trusting and waiting patiently on God to provide inspiration, motivation and the right challenges.